I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
