Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
