ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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