I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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