Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
