I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
