1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
