You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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