he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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