For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
