NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
