she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
