I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
