my mouth tastes like poor choices
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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