Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
