Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
