Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Randomize
