trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
