She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
