Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
