it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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