I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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