i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Randomize
