I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
