Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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