Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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