he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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