I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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