I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
