Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I wish there were birth control emojis
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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