If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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