Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
