When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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