Little spoons don't ask big questions
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
