nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I fill condoms, not promises.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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