I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Randomize
