you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
