32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Randomize
