If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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