I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
