17 year olds will be the death of me.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Randomize
