I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
