Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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