I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
