I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
