Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
