Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
