my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I just blew my weed a kiss
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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