Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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