Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
