dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
