i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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