this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Church boner. Awkwardddd
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
i now understand why vodka
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
